Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Let’s have a laugh, before the Greens take control of our Country!

That the Greens will take control of our legislative process in the Australian Senate is not a laughable matter really. But humour will relieve us from stress and may see us through the pain the Greens have in store for us after July 2011, when they attain the balance of power in the Senate. So, enjoy reading the following, which I hope will produce a laugh for you. - Werner
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For more humour, click here.


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HOW DID YOU BREAK YOUR ARM??

Even if you aren't a skier, you'll be able to appreciate the humour of the slopes as written by a New Orleans paper:

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A friend just got back from a holiday skiing trip to Utah with the kind of story that warms the cockles of anybody's heart.

Conditions were perfect...12 below, no feeling in the toes, basic numbness all over........the "Tell me when we're having fun" kind of day.

One of the women in the group complained to her husband that she was in dire need of a rest room. He told her not to worry, that he was sure there was relief waiting at the top of the lift in the form of a powder room for female skiers in distress. He was wrong, of course and the pain did not go away.

If you've ever had nature hit its panic button in you, then you know that a temperature of 12 below doesn't help matters.

With time running out, the woman weighed her options. Her husband, picking up on the intensity of the pain, suggested that since she was wearing an all-white ski outfit, she should go off in the woods and no one would even notice. He assured her, "The white will provide more than adequate camouflage." So she headed for the tree line, began lowering her ski pants and proceeded to do her thing.

If you've ever parked on the side of a slope, then you know there is a right way and wrong way to set your skis so you don't move. Yup, you got it!!! She had them positioned the wrong way.

Steep slopes are not forgiving...even during the most embarrassing moments.

Without warning, the woman found herself skiing backward, out-of-control, racing through the trees.......somehow missing all of them and onto another slope. Her derriere and the reverse side were still bare, her pants down around her knees, and she was picking up speed all the while. She continued backwards, totally out-of-control, creating an unusual vista for the other skiers. The woman skied back under the lift and finally collided violently with a pylon.

The bad news was that she broke her arm and was unable to pull up her ski pants.

At long last her husband arrived, putting an end to her nudie show, and then summoned the ski patrol. They transported her to a hospital.

While in the emergency room, a man with an obviously broken leg was put in the bed next to hers.

"So, how'd you break your leg?" she asked, making small talk."It was the stupidest thing you ever saw," he said. "I was riding up this ski lift and suddenly, I couldn't believe my eyes! There was this crazy woman skiing backward, out-of-control, down the mountain, with her bare bottom hanging out of her pants. I leaned over to get a better look and fell out of the lift." "So, how'd you break your arm??
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Now to the National Broadband Network. Is Gillard flogging a dead horse?

The wisdom of the Dakota Indians says that:

'When you discover that you are riding a dead horse, the best strategy is to dismount.'

In government however more advanced strategies are often employed, such as:Buying a stronger whip, changing riders or appointing a committee to study the horse.

Visiting other countries to see how other cultures ride dead horses. Lowering the standards so that dead horses can be included and reclassifying the dead horse as 'living impaired.'

Hiring outside contractors to ride the dead horse and harnessing several dead horses together to increase speed.

Providing funding and/or training to increase dead horse's performance. Doing a productivity study to see if lighter riders would improve the dead horses performance.

Declaring that as the dead horse does not have to be fed, it is less costly, carries lower overheads and therefore contributes substantially more to the bottom line of the economy than do some other horses.

Rewriting the performance requirements for all horses. And of course, promoting the dead horse to a supervisory position.
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My thought for today.Werner
Laughter is a tranquilizer with no side effects. - Arnold Glasow


3 comments:

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Hugo Berger said...

Hi Werner. ..Could you please tell us where we can buy the glue you use for attaching stickers to your pineapples? Thanks in advance.

Werner said...

Hugo - Bunnings Smithfield.